Let your gentleness be evident to all

It's a simple verse:

"Let your gentleness be evident to all" - Phil 4:5

But it can transform your life if you let it.

This is the verse that I have been meditating on as I go for walks around our community these days. We are getting ready to leave New Mexico. So, as I walk, I reflect on my time here in small town Portales and what this community has instilled in me.

I grew up in Chicago in an unstable home. So, being kind and friendly was not really my strong suite. I tend to be sarcastic and assume the worst intentions in people. Yet, I have softened so much in the 3.5 years that I have lived here.

It is hard to stay grumpy and negative when you are constantly greeted with a smile and genuine interest with each new person you meet. People here are so encouraging and eager to help.

I hope I don't lose the gentleness this town has cultivated in me once I leave here. I hope that part of this town stays with me forever.

It is no coincidence, then, that this is the verse that came to me when I decided to put a new verse in my heart during my walks.

Since I have started chewing on these simple words, I have met many of my neighbors and had the opportunity to be a positive impact in their days. In this stressful negative world, I hope it is as refreshing for them as it is for me to see the smiles a simple conversation can bring.

What would your day look like if you based it on the theme of this verse? How would your children grow from your example? Try it out and tell me in the comments below!

10 Ways To Live Peacefully

The purpose of this blog is to demonstrate how to live a peaceful life. The best way that I know how to do this is to approach each interaction with honor and respect. So, the next Top Ten Tuesday list will focus on living peacefully. I just want to share what that looks like in my life. Here are ten relationships that are important for mothers to approach peacefully.

10. Live peacefully with the world
        I have tried to touch on this in my top ten series about moms getting involved in national issues. Many people would say that it isn't peaceful to stir up these issues. My concern is that these issues are going to create a world that is chaotic for our future generations. I want to see change on these topics for our future. I do believe in doing this peacefully. That is why I try not to sling slanted facts and prefer to share my experiences and appeal to those reading with my story.
  9. Live peacefully with your community
         As mothers, we have tremendous influence in our communities to make change and to do good. I want to explore those opportunities. Check out my latest post about cultivating peace in your community.
  8. Live peacefully with other moms
         There seems to be a never-ending mommy war going on these days. If we are going to bring peace into the lives of those around us, it will have to start by standing together.
  7. Live peacefully with your body (and your children's bodies)
          I have touched on this as well, but I hope to share more of my story in the coming weeks. I really believe that we need to start taking a look at what we are eating if we have a hope for having a healthy future generation (or grandchildren at all, for that matter)
  6. Live peacefully with your extended family
         This one is hard for me. I seem to be the odd one out and I am very passionate/firm about my stance on many things. I am still learning how to do this gracefully.
  5. Live peacefully with your family unit
          It is one thing to be a gentle parent and a loving wife, but sometimes having everyone together can be a bit mind-numbing. I will be sharing how my family builds a peaceful foundation in our home.
  4. Live peacefully with your children
          This is so important. The only way to do this is to have a moral compass that everyone uses to guide them. The guidepoint of that compass should be love and peace, which we have to model for our children. Stay tuned to learn about my compass and some of our tips and tricks.
  3. Live peacefully with your spouse
          Man this is hard, luckily the Bible gives some great guidelines about this....or does it? I will let you know what I mean in the coming weeks!
  2. Live peacefully with yourself
         So, so, so important. But, it doesn't look the same for everyone. Some of us are not the "mommy time" type. Find out what "mommy time" looks like for someone who hasn't left her kids with others in 2 years (no, you don't have to be crazy like me, but if you are, it's ok! You can still find a way to keep it together :)
  1. Live peacefully with God
           Remember that moral compass? Hint, hint, He is mine ;) The best part is that He offers so much more than that. In fact, it is the least of His concerns. I am learning grace through him daily and the Bible promises that he will give "peace that surpasses all understanding" to those who petition for it. I would not have peace without His grace.

We will dig deeper into how to apply these ideas in the coming weeks! Stay tuned I hope you enjoy.

Can Ted Cruz Do The Job

Just a few days ago, Senator Ted Cruz announced his candidacy for the presidential office. Many Tea Party supports are glad to hear this because of his consistent efforts to stand up to the left wing spending spree.

Although I am intrigued by Senator Cruz, I am not yet convinced that he is the man for the job.

It will come as no surprise that, amidst all the finger pointing, it is actually BOTH parties who are to blame for the national budget crisis we are facing. In my research into this topic, I found that the main cause for unnecessary government spending seems to be the result of promises to other politicians and lobbyists.

Shocking I know!

The other concerning issue is the increased line of spending for healthcare in the national budget. More people are on medicaid and more people are getting needless procedures when options that are both less expensive and less invasive are available. Requiring those simpler options would save the government and taxpayers a significant amount of money.

http://www.usgovernmentspending.com/piechart_2015_US_fed

Once again, that wouldn't go over well on capitol hill because of the many people on staff from Big Pharma backgrounds.

We need someone who can unite congress in an attempt to get this budget under control. We need someone who will engage congress instead of telling them what to do as the last two presidents have dictated.

Can Ted Cruz do this? Maybe...

He has had a fair amount of legislation go through with by-partisan support. He is committed to empowering congress.

Unfortunately, this is not the stance he is taking. He is spending a lot of time talking about his accomplishments. I understand that he is doing this to point out that, even though he is only a first term senator, he is very capable. But, please, just let the record speak for itself.

I don't want another President who is so keen to push his agenda that he bullies congress into doing his bidding. That will only create more needless programs and needless spending and prevent congress from uniting to deal with issues already at hand.

As I already mentioned last week as part of the top ten series on the need for moms to address government issues, we need team players in congress.

If we want team players, we need a team leader.

Do you think Senator Cruz can do it?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below and share this post so that we can get his attention and show him what really matters to us!

Right Start Math vs. Montessori Math

As requested on a recent thread on the Montessori Homeschool Facebook Page (run by Bess Wuertz, writer over at http://www.graceandgreenpastures.com/), I am going to share my experience using Right Start Math verses Montessori Math.

In may of last year, my husband and I both found ourselves out of work. Because of this circumstance, the money I had set aside for all those beautiful Montessori math manipulatives went toward living expenses. Luckily, I had already purchased the Right Start Math Level A lesson book for the purpose of playing the games and singing the songs during circle time or just for fun. Taking a second look at it from a teaching perspective, I initially thought that this would be a good fit for us. Beyond just saving us money, I thought that it seemed to follow a similar scope and sequence to Montessori and would be easy to build knowledge one lesson at a time. The fact that there were many manipulatives to start with was very important to me.

As we got started, I found that lessons one through eight are set up to teach the right start method. They begin by introducing the quantity of three using objects, fingers, and tally sticks. Each day adds a number and a material. By lesson 9 we had discovered the tally sticks, abacus, pattern materials, ordering strips, and bead cards.

At this point, I was still very excited about the Right Start program. I loved that the materials were presented in a precise manner, similar to a Montessori lesson. However, as we got into the meat of the material, my enthusiasm quickly dwindled.

Here are a few of the things that made me uncomfortable:

• The materials are really one dimensional and do not allow for exploration of concepts. Many of the materials serve to illustrate the lesson and do not have enough substance to be explored further if chosen as an independent work. 
• The lessons are entirely teacher driven. So, each lesson builds on the previous ones. Therefore, the materials only need to serve the purpose of the lesson rather than need of the child to explore the concept behind the lesson. It serves more as an illustration than a true manipulative. 
• The child will not need to explore it alone, so it doesn't need a control of error. This is a key component to Montessori manipulatives. Control of error enables a child to quickly recognize an error and correct it. Again, this allows the materials to be used more as an illustration than a manipulative which fosters mastery of a material through repeated use. 
• The material themselves do not isolate concepts. This is my favorite part about Montessori materials. The isolation of concepts sometimes seems overly obvious. But, it allows for each concept to be clearly defined before combining them for more complicated work. Right Start appears to have tried to apply this concept by isolating specific concepts in the beginning lessons. However, even those isolated lessons are being presented in an abstract fashion as the materials are often not three dimensional. 
• The materials are much less tatical than Montessori materials. There are many cards and the tally sticks are flat. Even the abacus is very limited in it's use. On the other hand the colored bead materials, geometric solids, and golden bead work are all three dimensional and interconnected. 
• The lessons bounce between multiple concepts in a matter of only 15-20 minutes. This does not allow time for the child to concentrate on their work and move through initial mental blocks into mastery. I am sure you can guess what I am going to say about that: without time to concentrate independently with the material, the tools become an illustration rather than a math manipulative.

For me, these major differences really turned me off from the program as a main teaching tool. My kids had fun playing the games and singing the songs together. But, they were not drawn to the material to explore it beyond the lesson--even when I placed it on the shelf. This was very discouraging to watch. Especially given that my daughter had always shown a special love for math and seemed to acquire the concepts easily when we were using only Montessori materials.

I ultimately stopped using Right Start when we came to the part/whole circle lessons. We started with tally sticks in the circles as the lesson dictated and gradually moved toward using only numbers, checking our work with the abacus. She seemed to understand the ideas during the lessons.

Then, one day, we were counting the days until Christmas using our countdown snowman. She knew that our goal was to get to day 25! On day 18, she put the new number up and I asked how many  days remained until Christmas. She struggled with her fingers and said "ughhhh! I DON'T know!"

Not wanting this moment to end in defeat, I said "lets try it using the part/whole circle!" Surely the visual would help the idea click. I put 25 in the larger "whole" circle. Then I asked, "how many days has it been since the beginning of December?" She takes a minute to look at the snowman before saying "18!" I then responded, "So, what is our first part?" ........................................Well this wasn't going well! Time for mom to help, "18, lets put 18 over here. Lets use the abacus to see how many more we need to make 25." I then set 18 up on the abacus, showed her 18 and then asked her to count up to 25. She got to 20 and became confused when it was time to start counting the next line. At this point she is at the brink of tears. She knows this should be simple, but she can't make sense of the tools.

I pulled out her number cards and let her build numbers to forget about the botched lesson. Then, a little later, I pulled out her beads and asked her the same problem. She did it quickly, exchanging ones for a ten bar as she progressed. Easy peasy. Then came that confident smile I know!

I honestly did not expect something like counting on an abacus to be so difficult for a child compared to the golden bead materials. Yet, Dr. Montessori understood how concret these beginning math concepts needed to be for a young child to fully grasp their complexities. She also understood the need for the child to explore the work. One reason I was drawn to Right Start for Kindergarten was that I was not confident in my own teaching ability. I thought that teacher-led lessons would be best to be sure that all the right material was being covered. Instead, I almost ruined my daughter's love for math.

There are two reasons that I think Right Start didn't work for us. One, it does not invite the child to explore the work. Two, it doesn't provide enough exposure to the materials. The reason Montessori materials are so successful is because they draw the child in with their beauty, simplicity, and an innate sense of how they work. This leads the child to explore them over and over again, familiarizing them with the work and instilling their use as second nature.

Ultimately I was disappointed about Right Start math because it is marketed as Montessori Materials adapted for classroom use. However, I don't believe that it contains enough of the components of a true montessori lesson/work to serve this purpose. I do like it as an aid to teaching concepts during circle time. The games and songs are very engaging and some of the materials present the initial concepts in intriguing ways. But, they don't have the breadth to guide the child toward mastery.

If you would like to know more about what key components make up a Montessori work, please visit this link saved in my Montessori pinterest album

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/355643701800452338/

This post will be followed by a youtube video comparing the two sets of materials to give a sense of what I mean.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnL-l1b929I&feature=youtu.be

The Case For Play Based Learning

Last night, doped up on coffee. I posted this comment on the Montessori 101 Facebook page in a response to a discussion about whether Montessori learning is aligned with common core standards:

"The scope and sequence [of common core] IS better IF the child has had the correct exposure in the 3-6 years and has been given the correct tools in lower elementry to be successful. But, that isn't how common core works. They are trying to fit a montessori-esque scope and sequence into a standardized testing schooling format. Those two ideas go completely against each other because montessori isn't measured by tests, but demonstration through concrete experiences. There is a greater push by the government to have stronger ECE programs [that will] off-set this issue. But, do kids really need to be in school at that age if they have loving parents at home guiding them through these years (no offense to parents who work outside of the home, just saying it isn't necessary to make it a national standard when not all kids need it You all are hard workers, you rock, and you keep me in business as I have an in home learning center!)."Dr. Maria Montessori explained it best: 

"The secret of success is found to lie in the right use of imagination in awakening interest, and the stimulation of seeds of interest already sown by attractive literary and pictorial material, but all correlated to a central idea, of greatly ennobling inspiration – the Cosmic Plan in which all, consciously or unconsciously, serve the Great Purpose of Life." (To Educate the Human Potential, p. 3)

My point was that there is not anything necessarily wrong with the sequence of common core. Rather, the issue is with the method being used to instill those concepts. Dr Montessori explained that a child's play and everyday experiences is the work of a child. At this age, their work is really about forming their ideas of the world and bringing context to experiences that have value to them.

 "But the child too is a worker and a producer. If he cannot take part in the adult's work, he has his own, a great, important, difficult work indeed - the work of producing man… The child's work belongs to another order and has a wholly different force from the work of the adult. Indeed one might say that the one is opposed to the other. The child’s work is done unconsciously, in abandonment to a mysterious spiritual energy, actively engaged in creation. It is indeed a creative work; it is perhaps the very spectacle of the creation of man, as symbolically outlined in the Bible." (Dr. Maria Montessori, 'The Secret of Childhood', Orient Longman Limited, 200)

 Unbeknownst to many, children are just like the rest of us in that, if an idea is not relevant to their lives, they do not work to retain that information. Children do not use geometric terminology or diagram sentences in their everyday lives. This implies that they don't have any context to enable them to apply those concepts. Instead, we should take their lead in guiding what is valuable to their learning experience.

 “Directing our action toward mankind means, first and foremost, doing so with regard to the child. The child, that ‘forgotten citizen’, must be appreciated in accordance with his true value. His rights as a human being who shapes all of mankind must become sacred, and the secret laws of his normal psychic development must light the way for civilisation.” (Education and Peace) 

It is still important to expose younger children to these ideas as their synapses are forming at a faster rate during this phase of development, allowing the content longer to develop and take root.  With this knowledge, it made sense to Dr. Montessori to develop a learning environment that would naturally lead to the acquisition of these skills. She did so through hands on experiences that allowed for concrete connections to be made using materials that were relevant to the child. She did not see an applicable need for standardized testing.

"My vision of the future is no longer of people taking exams and proceeding from secondary school to University but of passing from one stage of independence to a higher, by means of their own activity and effort of will." (From Childhood to Adolescence, opening)
That is why I was so excited to see this article that has been circulating the blogosphere today. One public school has recognized the need for children to create their own learning experiences. They are doing what they can to allow the students that attend their school to have the freedom to create their own learning experiences. This is so important for building up life-long learners. I am very sad to see that many parents are not pleased with this new policy. Lets get behind this school and show our support for this school's new no-homework policy!

http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20150305/kips-bay/elementary-school-dumps-homework-tells-kids-play-instead






If you want to discuss more about topic like this, join me over at my new facebook page!
https://www.facebook.com/chaosforkisses?ref=hl

Dr. Maria Montessori: The anti-feminist, feminist

Today, everything  seems to be a war of extremes. We paint our world in black and white, adjusting the shades of gray along the way.

Such is the case with feminism vs. anti-feminism. Feminists seem to think that all women who do not agree with them are 50's era wanna-be's who spend their days cleaning and hosting dinner parties. Likewise, many anti-feminists are under the impression that all feminists burn their bras and cut their hair short.

In the past , social change had a different tone—at least the way the history books paint it. People saw the problems of their time and advocated for changes that would make the world a better place for everyone—at least as far as they could see. It seems that their efforts were focused on creating real, measurable changes that could be implemented by most people.

Name-calling and generalizing is not what ended western child labor or gave women the right to vote. Getting involved and helping the underprivileged gave those people the strength to fight back.

In that time, women's rights had purpose: To allow women to reach their full potential without being told to stay in one box that dictates the same talents for all women. Thank God there were people in the world who fought for those rights! It is what allows me to write my thoughts, wear these pants, pursue my education, and vote for someone who can help facilitate the changes I want to see (if such a person ever decides to run). It allows me to explore all of my potential in contributing to my family through my uniquely designed talents.

BUT, it does not give me the right to neglect my civil and family duties to pursue whatever I want. Many women today have rejected the idea of family and service to others, especially the men in their lives, in favor of their individual pursuits.

This is alarming because women were not designed to be alone and on top of the world. We were designed to participate in a partnership that raised up the next generation to be better than their own. How are we to do that if we are too busy chasing all of the things we don't have?

I believe that feminism was originally intended to strengthen the natural role of women rather than reject it.

On the other side of the coin, many women are so insulted by the idea of rejecting their natural design, that they try to stuff themselves back into that one-woman, perfectly manicured box. They chant Proverbs 31 as if it were the only scripture to live by. (I have news for you ladies. That scripture doesn't mean what you think it does. In fact it is far more feminist then you might like to think. Go back and read it again. Chew on that for a while and stay tuned, because I will be addressing this verse in one of my upcoming posts.)

By polarizing ourselves like this, we are taking everything those women fought for and destroying it! They were fighting to unite women and give them a voice to make change. Instead, we spend our time bickering and trying to elevate ourselves above one another.

Both sides need to draw inspiration from the pioneers of the past to unite us once again. There have been so many amazing women. But, the one who has impacted me more than any other, is Dr. Maria Montessori.

Not only was she a strong woman who pioneered the fields of medicine and psychology at a time when it was dominated by men, but, she went on to dedicate her life to the service of children. She did both with a sense of wonder and grace.

Her compassion and desire for peace was the foundation of her being. It motivated every decision she made. No obstacle was too much for her to overcome. She worked tirelessly to improve the lives of others. It is beautiful to read about and to see revealed in her legacy. She is truly an inspiration to all women and caregivers as to the power of investing in the souls of our young.

Yet, her work did not come without a price. Although she was very privet about the circumstances surrounding the birth of her son, Mario, I believe that it brought her great pain. I think that she fell victim to vulnerability through her natural desire as a woman to feel loved. No matter how much of herself she gave to the world, she still longed to be loved. So, foolishly, she entered an unwed relationship that led to the birth of a beautiful baby boy. I imagine, given her love for children, that there was nothing more she wanted than to watch and observe her own son as he progressed through his young life. Alas, she was deceived again. She bought into the lie that focusing on her work was her best service to the world. So, she left him in the care of others. When she was finally reunited with her son, she spent the rest of her life working to repair that relationship and prevent other women from having to do the same.

Her ambition clouded her judgment. To begin with, it put her in a state of desperation to seek out that expression of love. Beyond that, it caused her to miss out on valuable moments bonding with her own son.  This is the danger of ambition if it is not tempered with the knowledge that women have a naturally designed  purpose. If we deny that design, then we will seek it in unhealthy relationships or miss the tremendous joy that only a mother knows.

Thankfully, Dr. Montessori had an opportunity to redeem those lost moments when her son reached out to her. Although it was an awkward adjustment, she grew deeply close to her son and used her experiences to influence the lives of women around the world as they carried out their most important task—mothering.

Why do I focus on the shades of gray in the story of an amazing woman like Dr. Montessori? It is the shades of gray truly inspire me. She used every experience to grow and to pour herself out into the world. How much can we learn from that example!

So, today, instead of trying to be the perfect wife and mother or the most successful woman in a man's world, stop and acknowledge yourself. ALL of you: the caregiver and nurturer, the world-changer, the gentle spirit, and the explorer. Look at the women around you. Acknowledge and appreciate them for their unique gifts. Finally, learn from your mistakes. Don't force everything to be black and white. Let them bleed into the gray and adjust what you can to make yourself and the world a better place.

Together, we can honor God and the legacies of women like Dr. Montessori by devoting our gifts to each other and the world. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a wall street executive, let your work give meaning and focus to the world. Don't be "a resounding gong." (1 Cor. 13:1)

What Would Jesus Do

 

My husband chocked a little on his own spit when I told him the title of this post. 

It was the mantra of my youth. I spent my later elementary years looking down at that band around my wrist, feeling guilty every time I made a mistake. 

Then it just became a joke.

Now, it is all but forgotten.

But, if we put the trend aside and take the statement for what it is, then we can allow it to reveal truth in our lives.

The truth is Jesus was a peaceful man.

Whenever I need some guidance and I don't really know what it is that I'm looking for, I turn to the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7. 

This was one of those times.

I started writing this post about religious freedom at least 4 times. I really wanted to discuss the way Christians were being discriminated against and disenfranchised. I thought I might bring attention to the infiltration of hostile Muslim groups. But, I just couldn't put anything together. I couldn't find a focus. So, I went back to my focus. 

And it hit me.

As I read through those familiar verses, I felt the theme of Jesus' words wash over me. 

From the opening beatitude blessings to the revelation of the spirit of the law. He builds on the theme of peace until he hits the climax and really drives it home.

"You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:43-44)

He then solidifies his meaning with example after example of how to choose the peaceful way and the humble way: giving, prayer, fasting in secret, living one day at a time, not passing judgment. Finally, and most importantly, he ends his list with seeking God earnestly.

So, while we may have the right as Americans to fight for our religious freedom, ask yourself: what are you fighting for?

Are you fighting for the right to say the name of Jesus or are you fighting for Jesus?

I think fighting about this at all misses the point. 

Jesus didn't come to fight. He came to redeem the broken.

Do you really want to preserve the freedom to proclaim the gospel for future generations? Then ask yourself: what would Jesus do?

Jesus humbled himself to the cross. Jesus spent hours in prayer. Jesus loved the unlovable. Jesus didn't have any financial goals. Jesus gave grace freely. Jesus spoke the truth in love. 

That should be our focus today. Not what is the best way to win back the public. Not who is right and who is wrong. Not a fair trial.

Simply This:

What. Would. Jesus. Do.

Government Overreach into Parental Rights: They Have Gone Too Far

You don't have to look far to find examples of government policies that are overstepping basic parental decisions. From banning bake sales in the name of healthy eating to homeschoolers being investigated for the number of hours they spend teaching in a school year and regulating a kids lemonade stand. Below are just a few examples for you to read about. 

http://www.nationaljournal.com/domesticpolicy/the-government-is-cracking-down-on-school-bake-sales-20140725

http://www.parentalrights.org/index.asp?SEC=%7B5AD5FEA3-C339-42C2-9326-836CFEEAFDC6%7D

https://hslda.org/hs/state/mo/20050509.asp

http://www.wusa9.com/news/article/155167/158/County-Shuts-Down-Kids-Lemonade-Stand-500-Fine

It really has gotten out of hand. The amount of things good parents have to think about just before heading out the door is getting preposterous! If the government hasn't deemed it appropriate behavior through public policy or media bullying, attentive parents can be in real danger of being harassed for simply living their lives based on their own worldview. Meanwhile, children go home to abuse because the laws regulating what is acceptable proof of abuse are often insurmountable! 

http://www.denverpost.com/failedtodeath/ci_21957329/abused-childrens-cries-help-were-ignored

Beyond all that, there is simply a tread of government overreach that is troubling! Here are a few examples outside of the realm of parenting, ranging from federal mandate that citizens buy healthcare to the gun control act:

http://humanevents.com/2011/02/03/halt-government-overreach-now-or-else/

http://www.redstate.com/diary/beregond/2011/04/18/banning-guns-by-changing-definitions-part-4/

Read the articles and make up your own mind: Is the government really looking out for what is best for you and your family? 

And if that isn' t enough, what about the recent statement President Obama made about stay at home moms? 

http://www.truthrevolt.org/news/obama-stay-home-moms-not-choice-we-want-americans-make

To be clear, I am not questioning Mr. Obama's motive for saying what he said. He could have worded it better. But, I am not going to try to pretend that I don't understand what he was attempting to say. He doesn't want women who WANT to work to have to choose between work and quality childcare (presumably provided at home by stay at home parents). What I am challenging is whether this is a good idea or not. This whole situation will simply give the government more control over what goes on in our children's lives at an even younger age! That will only serve to take America that much further down the rabbit hole!

That is all for today folks. I hope that gives you something to consider as election day comes to a close! Stay tuned next week for the third installment in the series.

Top Ten Tuesday

Top Ten Tuesday is a new thing I am trying out. Let me know what you think. Today, I am going to share my top ten favorite Bible verses that God has been using to convect me these days. They are doing good work in my life and I hope they will do the same for you. As these are Bible verses, one is clearly not more important than the other. The order is merely based on how strongly I personally need each verse at this given time in my life.

 

So, without further ado:

10. "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him." Matt. 12: 34b-35

We are really taking a deeper look at the entertainment we allow in our house these days. It seems that the more worldly influences we cut out, the more peaceful and Christ-like we become. In turn, we are better able to shine a light on God and His glory for others in our lives. This verse also serves as a reminder when our children sin that they ought to spend more time with God and his Word. After a big violation, we like to make more room for God by letting his Word soothe our souls.

9. "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."  Phil. 2:14-15

Really trying to cut out negativity in my life so that Christ can shine through. The girls love the idea of shining like stars!

8. "A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly." Proverbs 12:23

Learning to keep my smart comments to myself!

7. "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11

I have always struggled with anger. I take things too personally. I let everything offend me. Now, I see this habit forming in my little MissMoo. That makes my heart hurt. Mostly because I know how alienating and lonely being angry can be. I want her to enjoy the peace, joy, and freedom that comes from simply giving God control. The more I learn to control my anger, the less power it has over my life. I am learning to choose joy! It makes for a much better day.

6.  "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" Phil. 2:5

Lots to work on here! Verse 7 describes Him as a servant and 8 reminds us of His deepest obedience.

5. "Love never fails..." 1 Cor. 13:8

Of course, no one can have a Christ-like attitude without love. It was His love for the Father and His love for us that motivated Him to live and die the way He did. The more I meditate on His love for me, the more easily I am motivated put the needs of others before my own.

4. "...my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9

I am learning that my weakness is just God's way of showing His powerful grace. Rather than hide my faults, I am trying to give glory to God for loving a sinner like me. Not only is my life an awesome example to others of how far his grace reaches; but, it also is an example to my kids especially of His transformational power. They see my ugly. But, they also see the healing that comes from giving it over to God! Now, they know that He can heal them too!

3. "He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never become rich." Proverbs 21:17

I really like good food. But, I want to leave a legacy for my kids. So, I am learning to tell myself "no," so that I have more to show for my money.

2. "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11

I use this to remind myself and the girls to draw our sword of the spirit whenever satan tempts us to sin.

1. "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Prov 16:24

It is so true! Our words affect our own attitudes and the attitudes of those around us. When I hear a lot of complaining, I try to change the atmosphere by giving up a praise to God. Nothing brings more joy than the soothing peace of God.

So, there you have it! Those are a few of the things God is working on in my life. I hope it encourages you in your faith this week,

Mom and Dad...Are you mad?

 

Today, my husband and I had our first "heated conversation" in front of the kids. It came from a lot of frustration that had nothing to do with each other. Nick, jumping into his "fixer man" mode (which I usually love), came up with several solutions to try with the kids today. Unfortunately, instead of suggesting to me what I should do about my problem--he told me what to do. I, being the prideful, stubborn woman that I am, did not take too kindly to that. Since we didn't have time to talk about it, I resorted to childishly making comments about his ideas in front of the kids. Then, because he didn't know the whole story when he made his "suggestions," I smugly made note when his ideas didn't work out.

Thus, the "conversation" ensued (no yelling or name calling, just raised voices and a lot of "well you did..."). Nick and I are not ones to get worked up over much. As a result, I think the kids were pretty surprised to see us not being kind to each other. In the end, it didn't last long and we made up with a big hug and a kiss.

I say all this because I believe it is important for kids to see our flaws. That doesn't mean it is okay to excuse those flaws, or to have a "do as I say, not as I do" attitude. It simply means to acknowledge that they exist. Nick and I make it a goal to build a relationship with the kids we work with. The problem with relationships is that they make it hard to hide things. Kids see more than many adults seem to believe. Furthermore, it affects them more than we realize. Little things mean so much.

When we tell kids not to be mean to each other, but we are mean to each other, it confuses them. Not only do they not understand what kindness looks like, they also learn that they cannot trust our word. The problem is that we are not always kind, we don't always confront issues head on, sometimes we make mean jokes--the list goes on. It's just a product of being human. So how do we remedy that?

Here is what I think: be transparent. Yes I made a mistake. I am sorry for my mean words honey...and kids I am sorry that I didn't uphold my end of the bargain to be a good example to you. I have found that humility covers a whole host of sins with kids. It is hard, and VERY embarrassing, but I have found that it builds trust faster than any other mode of communication. Kids in my home are more willing to try working on something when they know I am trying too. More importantly, they are more willing to accept when I am not perfect and not use that as an excuse to quit. In fact, it gives them a reason to keep trying: because it is okay to fail.

The other positive factor of our "conversation" was that the kids see that our love is real and long lasting. We didn't let hurt feelings or disagreement get in the way of making things right. That was the way we approached the "conversation" and that is why it ended quickly. We didn't want to keep hurting each other, we wanted to get to the bottom of it quickly so that we could make each other feel loved and taken care of. Nick and I don't like to see each other hurting.

Allowing the kids to see the whole process also allowed them to see our commitment to each other. Most of the kids here at our Ranch have not seen healthy marriage relationships. Our goal is for them to learn how to build a healthy relationship based on our example. Therefore, it is paramount for us to exemplify a loving, others centered marriage at all times. But sometimes we don't. So, when we don't do it right, we need to show them how to do that too. We need to show them that mistakes are okay and that love runs deeper than those feelings. Beyond that, we need to show them how to be upset. Anger is not an excuse to yell, name call, or make threats.

I know all of this is common sense, but it sure is hard to put into practice. Nick and I have not always been this way. In fact, we were the exact opposite. When we became pregnant, we made a pact to change because we did not want to emotionally cripple our children. We had to work hard everyday for two long years until we got it down.  Now, I can't even imagine ever yelling a him (or anyone really) for any reason. It just seems so pointless. If being conscious about the way you treat your spouse or kids is a struggle for you I want to challenge you to try a new approach. Start by apologizing for your previous actions. Trust me, the embarrassment of having to do that for your kids will be enough to make you think before the next time you say something mean. Just the act of apologizing is a kindness. I promise it will revolutionize your home and bring much needed peace. And it is the first step towards having an attitude of kindness.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Toddler Sign Language

I haven't posted in a while; so I decided to stop waiting for divine enlightenment and start talking about what I know. Right now I know that my 15 month old can only say about 10 words--and only my husband and I can really decipher them!  However, she can also sign about 10 words (mostly different ones, except for milk and more...she says something along the lines of moa and signs them at the same time). The nice thing about that is, close family and friends who know the signs can understand what she is saying (which is nice when you have as many kids rotating through yours house as we do). If people don't know what she is signing, they can ask once, and then they will always know what she means.

 Starting at about 10 months, my little "princess" has been quite the fit thrower. I don't really see the point of a time out or similar punishment at such a young age (although at 15 months, we are starting to get to that phase). Along that line, although swats helped her know to stop when mommy said "no," she would just throw a bigger fit  if I swatted her for throwing a fit (which is understandable...don't you feel the same way when you get cut down for just trying to get your point across). So, I decided she needed to learn how to communicate what she wanted. When I first taught her to sign, it took her a while (I think she was 12 months before she started signing). In the mean time, it gave me peace of mind that I was doing something about the problem, and it made her more willing to patiently wait for mommy or daddy to figure out what she wanted.

 Somehow, even before she could do it, she seemed to feel like she had more control when I showed her a sign, and then showed her the result of that sign . For example, when she would cry in the morning, just after waking up, because she wanted a bottle, I would wait until she was done throwing herself on the floor, show her the sign for milk, and then give her that "sweet nectar of life" she was addicted to! The other thing my daughter would do was cry if she ran out of food when she was still hungry. I would wait until she calmed down, sign "more" and give her more food. Slowly the fits got shorter, and she eventually picked up the signs. She was a little later than is normally predicted, but she was also born three weeks early; so for her, she was right on time. Of course she picked up "more" before "milk" or "please," and then promptly started saying in in reference to everything. I'm okay with that though, because she stopped throwing fits when she knew I was able to help her when she had some way of telling me what she needed. It was really nice. Neither of us felt helpless anymore. It was right about that time that she became much more independent too (wanting to feed herself more, wanting to climb things herself, walking, looking at books by herself). Although, that part was hard, we all know how important it is for healthy growth--and I was so proud of her! I don't know if signing and independence correlated, but it sure seemed to help. She was definitely more confident about know what she wanted!

 In my non-professional opinion, it also helped her language skills tremendously! At the point when we started signing, she was behind in speech. She didn't really know any words besides mama and dada (and I'm not even really sure if she knew what those meant). Now she is a little bit ahead, because she can communicate 20 words and she is learning new words everyday. She has started picking up new sounds, which creates opportunity to pronounce new words (which she is taking advantage of). My daughter has never been ahead doing anything! Now, I know that doesn't mean much, because kids level out around age three. Still, it is really nice not to have to wait to communicate.

 After a while, the nuance wore off, and she got tired of using more and please for everything. I too got tired of trying to decipher what she meant. So, next, we taught her "eat," "all done," "play," "sleep," "want," "fruit" (her favorite food), and "thank you." That doesn't take care of everything, but it sure helps. At least now, even if she doesn't have a word for everything she needs, she has something close enough for me to know where to start. After my experience with signing, I definitely suggest to all moms of young or disabled kids.